She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
