AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
