Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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