does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
