Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
