I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
