Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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