i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
