His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
