woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
