And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
