hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Non-Jews are for practice
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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