please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
