took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
