I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Holy sore nipples Batman
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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