My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
