Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
