Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
