i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
