So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
