Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
