Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
