It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
