i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
