I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
