What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
