Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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