You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
