After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
