this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
