Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
