New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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