Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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