how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
