He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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