hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
