sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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