she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
