I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
