she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
