i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
