dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
