he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
