The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
