Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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