did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
