sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
