I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
