I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
