omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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