just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
