He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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