At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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