Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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