I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
