Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
