I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
